Mothers, etc.

Mom and I.

First, the "etc.": As of yesterday at 9:30pm, I am FINISHED graduate school! I have been a grad student for seven years (three at YDS, followed by four at Loyola) and I barely remember what it was like not to be in school. So, I'm still wrapping my mind around this.

Pretty soon, I'll need to figure out my next move. Before I do that, though, I'm going to Houston for the weekend to DJ my friend Mindy's wedding. So, in honor of Mindy and Mother's Day, here is a reflection I gave at my church on Mother's Day 2008. Mindy makes an appearance, along with several other seminary friends. A few things have changed since I wrote this- mainly, some of my friends have become mothers- but our friendship remains the same and we still get together ever summer.  I can't wait to see Mindy and several of our other friends tomorrow. Happy Mother's Day!

Mother's Day Reflection
St. Andrew's UMC, Edgwater, MD
2008

During my first semester at seminary, my friend Mindy asked me to participate in a Bible study she was organizing for some of the women in our class. I was reluctant at first, because of all my other commitments. But Mindy told me not to worry; she would keep it as simple and low-stress as possible. So, a group of about 10 of us started meeting. We got together every Sunday night and each of us took turns leading the group in discussions, guided meditations, art projects, and other activities. We finished every week by sharing joys and concerns and praying together. During that first semester, our little women’s group quickly went from something I was reluctant to join to one of the best parts of my week. And I wasn’t the only one who felt that way, because, despite 10 increasingly busy schedules, we wound up meeting for the entire three years we were at school together. All of us came from very different backgrounds, with different beliefs, different calls to ministry, and even different friends outside of the group. Yet, over time, we became the best kind of friends to each other. We truly love, support, and encourage each other even now.


Last spring, our group decided to go on a retreat to Vermont before we all graduated and went our separate ways. Somewhere in the middle of hiking, hymn-singing, and marshmallow-toasting, we made each other these little albums. They hold photos from the weekend and notes we wrote to encourage each other during any difficult times ahead. I’ve pulled mine off the shelf so many times over the past year that I finally just left it out on my coffee table. Whenever I look at these pictures and think about my wonderfully gifted friends, I feel hopeful for the future of the church and the world. I also draw strength from their notes, which remind me of my own gifts. My friend Tamara wrote about my “gift for welcoming others;” Julia said that she enjoys hearing my “good ideas about possibility in the world.” Jenny loves my “sense of humor and enthusiasm,” and Angela is “very eager to see where God leads” me.

A few weeks ago, I received an email from Mindy. She wrote to tell us that she’s organizing another Vermont trip this summer, to give us all a chance to reconnect and swap stories from our year apart. I was particularly touched by this, because I know that Mindy’s had an extremely difficult year. It amazed me that she would choose to spend her very limited time putting together something for her friends. After that first email, other women from the group stepped up and volunteered some of their own time to the organizing effort. Now, we’re all looking forward to a trip in late July. As this trip came together, I thought once again about how lucky I am to have such devoted and caring friends. This reminded me of one of our Sunday night conversations.

One fall night, in celebration of All Saint’s Day, I led a discussion about the “saints” in each of our lives. I asked each woman in the group to come prepared to talk about someone who had influenced her in her journey toward ministry. Remarkably, every single one of us talked about our mother or grandmother. Mindy told us how her mom always surprises her by sending special packages whenever she’s going through a rough time. Ericka talked about how her grandmother and great-aunts remain energetic and upbeat despite being well into their 90’s. Erinn told us about how generous her mother is with her time and how involved she is at her church. Emily described her grandmother as her best friend and strongest influence. I talked about how my own mother and grandmother taught me to put God and other people before everything else.

Just as Paul writes in today’s text from Corinthians, my friends and I each bring different gifts to our ministries, but all of us give credit for those gifts to the influence of mothers. Psychologists often describe women as inherently relational creatures, and many of us learn about making and maintaining relationships from our mothers. My friends and I all have mothers and grandmothers who taught us that other people are important, and they deserve our love and attention. Even when they are busy- and when are they not busy?- our mothers take the time to connect with other people, listen to them, and offer their encouragement. I’m always amazed at how my mom seems to know everybody’s birthday or anniversary, and never forgets to send a card or a present. Whenever we go out together, I’m struck by the fact that my mom knows everyone- from the teller at the bank, to the receptionists at the doctor’s office, to the cashiers at the grocery store. She always greets people by name and asks them how they’re doing. And I can see on these people’s faces how much they appreciate even this little bit of personal attention. In a world where its getting easier and easier to remain anonymous, my mom reminds me of the simple power of human connection.

Our mothers and grandmothers also taught us to prioritize our relationship with God. They brought us to church every Sunday, whether or not we wanted to go, whether or not we had other commitments, and whether or not anyone else came along. And they were never content to sit silently in the pews. They took the time to teach Sunday School, cook church luncheons, and serve on all kinds of committees. In the process, they built relationships with other people in the church. I’ll never forget my grandmother’s funeral, which happened at the church she attended for over 60 years. The sanctuary was packed with people, and everyone seemed to have a story about my grandmother teaching Sunday School, singing in the choir, or speaking her mind in some meeting or other. My grandmother never let anyone or anything stand in the way of her commitment to God and her church, and she built relationships that sustained both her and many other people over the years.

We can all benefit from these lessons and examples of mothers, even if we are not mothers ourselves. None of my seminary friends has a child of her own, but through our little group, we get a chance to mother each other. We remind each other that, no matter how busy we get, we need to take the time to relate to God and other people. Somehow, once we do that, everything else falls into place.