Recognizing families.

I was talking to my Mom on the phone the other day and she told me about something that happened while she babysat my 3 1/2 year-old niece, Greta. Greta is way into princesses right now, as seen below:

She must have watched Cinderella recently, because she and Mom were playing princesses, and Greta kept talking about wicked stepmothers. My Mom, clearly upset by this, told me "I kept telling her that not all stepmothers are bad, but she wouldn't listen."

It took me a minute to realize why my Mom was so upset. Sometimes I forget that my Mom is a stepmother. When my Mom married my Dad, he was the recently widowed father of two very young children, my older sister and brother. My siblings were so young when when my parents married that they call my mother "Mom." I wasn't even told that my siblings are actually half-siblings until I was 5 or 6.

My Mom has only told me a little about the time when she married my Dad, but I know it was hard for her. She was very young- only about 20- and my Dad is more than 13 years older. As widowers often do, my Dad married my Mom only a short time after the death of my siblings' mother. I'm not sure how long he dated my Mom, but it wasn't long. So, she became a parent very young, and many people around her did not approve of the way it happened. We are a different kind of family, and we have struggled, but I'm glad to have the parents and siblings I have.

When people tell stories about wicked stepmothers, I know they don't mean to hurt my Mom, but they do.

My older sister also became a parent in a non-traditional way. When she was just out of high school and still a teenager, she had my nephew, Jordan. Jordan is bi-racial and, while I see family resemblance in him, many people can not see past his darker skin. My sister later married and had two more kids, Summer and Shane:

Summer and Jordan.

Shane and Summer.

Obviously, I'm a bit biased, but my sister has three great kids. Case in point: Just before Christmas, Shane's school hosted a special breakfast, and asked parents to come help with the cooking. My sister and her husband had to work, so Jordan and Summer (who are 22 and 17) volunteered to help. How many kids of those ages do you know who would get up early in the morning to cook breakfast for 5th graders?

Summer told me about the breakfast at Christmas, and mentioned an encounter with one of Shane's teachers. The teacher walked over to Summer and Jordan, looked at Summer, and said "You MUST be Shane's sister! You two look so much alike!" Then she paused, looked Jordan up and down, and walked away. Summer laughed when she told me the story, but I was livid. My sister's family may not look like the "traditional" family, but they are a great, loving family, and they all deserve to be recognized.

I'm sure that teacher did not mean to be hurtful, but she was.   

Earlier tonight, I read this beautifully written blog post by a seminary friend, Susan (who is caucasian). In the post, Susan shares a story about a child's reaction to meeting her and her adopted Ethiopian daughter. Susan and her daughter are not a "traditional" family either, but they are a wonderful family nonetheless and they also deserve to be recognized.

Reading Susan's blog post helped me wrap my head around my feelings in response to the Maryland House of Delegates' failure to pass a bill legalizing same-sex marriage earlier today. I come from a non-traditional family. I have many, many friends who have non-traditional families. They might involve step-parents, bi-racial children, inter-racially married parents, adopted children, disabled children, no children, or children with same-sex parents. Regardless, they are families, they love each other, and they deserve to be recognized. 

I am sure a lot of the people who did not support this bill, or who supported the bill but did not speak up, or who supported the bill but pushed it aside for political reasons did not mean to hurt families. But they did. When it comes up again, I hope that Maryland will not pass up another opportunity to recognize all families.