Month of Mayhem, part 1: IronGirl Columbia and the A10.

Aloha! I'm writing this from the saddest place on Earth- the airport, leaving Hawaii. Over the past week, Andrew and I celebrated our (belated) honeymoon ran a big race! On Sunday, I ran the (brutal) Kauai marathon and he did the (also challenging) half-marathon.

 

The view from one of our morning runs.

 

I'll write more about Hawaii and the marathon later, but first I should explain that Kauai was leg 3 of what I have dubbed by “month of mayhem.”

What is a month of mayhem? That's what happens when a normally organized person like myself signs up for a bunch of late summer events independently without plotting it all out on a calendar. Then, when she does look at a calendar, she sees this:

Sunday, August 17^th: Iron Girl Columbia Triathlon

Sunday, August 24^th: Annapolis 10-mile run

Sunday, September 1^st: Kauai marathon

Sunday, September 8^th: Iron Girl Rocky Gap Triathlon

Oops. Just in case that wasn't enough fun, I had my little wisdom teeth debacle (see previous post) which nixed a few key training weeks. So, I headed into this month poorly prepared and fairly scared. Fortunately, with three events down, I can say- so far, so good. Here's the report on legs 1 and 2:

IronGirl Columbia

When IG was my first tri in 2011, I was terrified and prepared really well. Two years and four additional tris later, the fear is gone. While its nice to line up at the start without my heart pounding, I could use a little of that fear back as a training motivator! I went into this year's event fairly well prepared for the run, moderately prepared for the swim, and poorly prepared for the bike. Not surprisingly, my race performance corresponded with my preparation (or lack thereof) in each area.

 

No fear here!

 

I posted a better swim time this year compared to last year, but felt like I struggled more. I just couldn't hold the proper form, which meant I had to work way harder than I should have. The good news, though, was that I never had a moment of feeling afraid or like I might not be able to finish. Having experienced that feeling in pretty much every other tri I've ever done, it was a relief to have some confidence!

 

Forcing a smile for the camera.

On to the bike! This year's bike course was pretty different from previous years. Going in, I had some vague hope that “different” might mean “easier.” That hope was promptly dashed. The new course was every bit as challenging as the previous course. On one particularly difficult hill, a very kind biker on a road bike passed me on my hybrid-with-a-broken-lowest-chain-rig and said “I honestly don't know how you are doing this on that bike.” It was a nice boost and made me feel good about all the time I spend lifting weights! Still, this may prove to be the ride that pushes me to finally buy a better bike.

SO HAPPY to be near the finish!

I went into this year's run resolved to take it easy. Knowing I had three more events to go this month, I didn't want to push it and wind up super-fatigued for days. I ran when I could and walked when I had to. It was my weakest run performance in this event, but I still pulled out a sprint at the end and felt fairly good overall.

As usual, the best part of IronGirl was seeing lots of my local athlete friends. I started the morning with my friend Christin from the Wonder Women group:

 

Making our coaches proud.

I also saw several other Wonder Women and a few friends from the Striders. This year, I was most excited for my grad school buddy, Jaquisha. Jaquisha is an accomplished runner and all-around great athlete. I always knew she was capable of doing tris and encouraged her to give it a shot. What I didn't know, though, is that she's deathly afraid of water and swimming. This year, she decided to try IronGirl anyway. She spent months with a coach learning how to swim and bike. She told me she cried at nearly every swim practice. Nevertheless, she pushed on and made it to the start line of IG.

As soon as I finished my race, I was dying to know how Jaquisha had done. I thought there was an 85% chance that she blew through everything like a champ and finished an hour before me, a 10% chance that she struggled in the water but made it and kicked butt at everything else, and maybe a 5% chance that she had major trouble on the swim. I found some ladies from her charity team and asked about her. They told me that she finished the swim, but spent over 2 hours in the water and was at risk of not finishing the bike course within the time limit. I was simultaneously terrified for her and deeply impressed. I was so worried that she might not finish in time, but so amazed with her for pushing through on the swim! I am not a quitter, but I think I may have given up on the swim after an hour. Pushing through for over 2 hours is simply remarkable.

Andrew and I weren't able to wait for Jaquisha because we had to get home for a friend's party. So, as he drove us home, I frantically hit “refresh” on the IG results being posted. Finally, I saw Jaquisha's name- whew! I was thrilled for her and she was thriled for herself. Way to go, friend!

The A-10

Regular readers of this blog will know that I was the victim of an apparent A-10 curse in 2010 and 2011. My luck started to turn in 2011, when the race was cancelled, but I met my future husband on what would have been race day. Then, in 2012, the curse was broken when my then-fiancee ran the race with me. I am happy to report no curse activity in 2013! In fact, this race was fairly uneventful.

Given all of my training hiccups in recent weeks, I've been doing my long runs in run/walk intervals. (I'll write more about that soon.) This isn't my usual way of doing things, but its been working for me. For this race, though, I really wanted to run the whole thing. Even though I planned to run Kauai with intervals, I had some psychological need to prove to myself that I can still run 10 miles with no breaks before marathon day. Andrew took a saner approach and worked in some intervals. Judging by our finish times, intervals were the right choice!

I wasn't trying to PR in this race. I knew I had no chance of approaching the 10-mile PR of 1:41 that I set last year. All I cared about this year was coming in under 2 hours. I pulled that off (just barely) with a time of 1:57. Andrew was a different story. He knocked 14 minutes off his time from last year to finish in 1:56. Even more amazing, he went from finishing 19 minutes after me in 2012 to finishing 1 minute ahead of me in 2013. I'm a competitive person by nature, but I can't help being thrilled for him. Way to go, husband!

So, that's the report on legs 1 and 2. Stay tuned for race reports on Kauai and IronGirl Rocky Gap!

Resolutions and routine.

Hello, readers! It has been far, far too long. I have been mentally drafting a post about my New Year's resolution for nearly 3 weeks now, and the fact that I'm just getting to it now shows just how much that resolution is needed. So, without further ado, my New Year's resolution for 2012 is...

Establish a routine.

I do my best in pretty much every aspect of life when I have routines. When life is semi-predictable, I eat better, exercise more, get more work done, and experience a lot less stress. When my routines get disrupted, or I go a long time without a routine, things start to fall apart. Classic example: In 2002, I took a job as a home-based counselor for children in a very intensive program. I saw clients at home, went to tons of meetings all over a very wide geographic area, and fielded endless crisis calls. For most of my time at that job, I had no set office and worked anywhere I could find space. Whenever I tried to establish a routine, something would change. The result? I gained weight, didn't exercise, and got myself into a string of less-than-healthy relationships.

Toward the end of my time at that job, I started ADHD treatment. In addition to taking medication, I also started working on getting organized and making my life more predictable. Since then, I have gotten better and better at establishing good routines for myself and life has become exponentially more manageable. Last year, I worked some of my best routines ever and a ton of great things happened for me: a marathon, a triathlon, weight loss, graduating from school, finding an amazing boyfriend, and- finally- getting a great new job.

Of course, the problem with all of the great things that happened to me last year is that they completely threw off my routines. Having a boyfriend takes up time that I used to spend on things like the gym and managing my house. It also means eating away from home more, which often results in unhealthier food choices. (I'm much better at just not going to restaurants than I am at going to a restaurant and not ordering a steak!) At my old job, I worked a pretty normal 9-5 schedule. At my new job, I often work until 7 or 8pm and my hours change from week to week. Also, while I really do love my new job, it is way more challenging than my old job. For me, challenging= stress= temptation to eat junk food or drink wine when I get home at 9pm.

I met my boyfriend in late August and I started my job-changing process in October. By the end of December, my average weekly time at the gym had plummeted and my weight had reached a number I haven't seen since 2003. I was also struggling to manage my house, keep up with friends and family, and (obviously) keep up with this blog. Thus, the resolution. January 1, I began work on making a new routine.

I am happy to report that I am making progress. To begin with, I thought seriously about my schedule and figured out when I am able to work out. The answer? Early in the morning and (sometimes) in the middle of the day. Early in the morning means that I have to be diligent about getting to my 6am classes and I also need to mix in some extra running and biking after those classes from time to time. I've been doing great with the first half and I'm still working on the second. Working out in the middle of the day means finding somewhere to exercise near my work. I have a couple of leads to investigate on that front.

I also talked to my boyfriend about my exercise and eating going downhill. He's awesome, so he immediately got with the program and began supporting/encouraging me in my habits. So, we've been eating at home more and he's started going to the gym with me whenever he's around. Yay supportive loved ones- they make such a difference!

Finally, some outside events came together and helped me with my goal:

My office: I spent 6 or 7 weeks of my new job in office limbo- I'm in a new site for my agency and my office was still under construction when I started. Finally, the week of 1/9, the construction ended and I got to move in:

I'm a real therapist now!

Not having to hunt for a spare computer whenever I need to do paperwork? Priceless.

A lovely table for family activities and lunch. Also, after 11 years of higher ed, a home for my diplomas.

A corrallary of my "I need a routine" rule is "I need designated spaces for things." I am way more productive when I have set places for things like work, paying bills, exercise, etc. So, having my office together has really helped me feel settled and more on top of things.

Winter trainings: With the new year came new sessions in both the Annapolis Striders' race training and the Wonder Women tri group. So, now I have at least two tough workouts scheduled each week and two groups of training buddies to motivate me on the days in between. This has been a big boost to my exercise goals.

So, I'm not there yet, but my New Year's resolution is off to a good start. If it continues to go well, you will hear from me more often in the coming weeks!

Cramming.

The above photo aptly captures my entire educational and professional life before my ADHD diagnosis. Back then, I simply could not focus on any assignment or task until the night before, or- more often- the night after it was due. Then, I would work in a frantic haze of misery until I collapsed onto my (usually sub-par) product. It was not a fun way to live. I never could have done something as complex and preparation-heavy as a marathon or triathlon in those days because I completely lacked the ability to plan ahead and do the necessary groundwork.

Several years into ADHD treatment, things are much better, but I still do more cramming than I would like. Nowadays, when I sit down the night before a sermon, paper, or work assignment is due, the task before me is not impossible because I have done a good bit of the groundwork. Still, there is a certain level of concentration I'm able to achieve only in the face of a looming deadline. I often think about how much easier life would be if I could summon even a little of that focus before the last minute. 

I've been thinking about this a lot this week, because I'm coming down to the wire on my tri-training (2 weeks to go!) and getting close to it on my marathon training (90 days!). I signed up for Iron Girl on November 1st, and started studying tri training plans almost immediately. I started swimming in January, bought my bike in March, and worked with the Wonder Women from April-June. So, I've had plenty of time and resources, and yet I never achieved the consistency in training I knew I needed... That is, until last week when the Iron Girl dress rehearsal scared the heck out of me (see previous post).

Since struggling through those swim and run courses last weekend, I have attacked my training with a vigor I wish I had found earlier this summer. I've been swimming every other day, doing bike-to-run workouts, and I even got my friend Marie to take me out on the actual bike course. I'm pretty sure I sweated out my whole body weight twice over in the last seven days alone. At this point, I'm sure I'll make it through the event, but I hope that I can summon this concentration a little earlier next year so that I can set a higher goal than mere survival.

My marathon training had gone off course a little in the past few weeks as well, mainly due to some other weekend commitments. This Saturday, I joined the Striders' marathon training group for the first time since early July. We were scheduled to run 16 miles, but I knew I wasn't ready for that, so I did 12 instead. Normally, we meet at a park and run on the B&A trail as a group, but I've been experimenting with a slightly different plan. In order to lessen the boredom of running for so long on the trail, train for the hillier NYC course, and prepare myself for running a marathon on my own, I've started running to the long runs from my house. This knocks 7 miles off my time with the group (3.5 to get there, 3.5 to get home), adds several hills to the route, and means that I do a little more than half of each long run by myself. Thus far, I think this is a good strategy for me, but it is challenging- particularly the final 3.5 miles when I have to motivate myself to get back home!

Let the countdowns begin!

Good books (and other things that mess up my schedule)

As you may have noticed, I have been rather quiet this week. Its been a bit of an odd week, schedule-wise. Most of my office is away at a conference, so I have been almost or entirely alone at work. This happens from time to time, and has the potential for disaster in terms of productivity. I am sure that the absence of any concrete form of accountability is detrimental to many people's productivity, but it is especially problematic for people with ADHD. Long stretches of time with no structure and only vague due-dates are not my friend.

Fortunately, this particular circumstance arises often enough that I have worked out a coping strategy: Before the dead-office week begins, I write a to-do list for the whole week, setting goals which are reasonable to accomplish in a work-week's time. Then, I allow myself to relax things like hours and dress code, just as long as I make progress on the list every day. The result is often a more productive week than usual... but that's only productive in terms of work-work, not so much in terms of things I do to procrastinate from work-work (like, say, blogging).

Another reason for the lack of blogging is that I've been consumed all week by the "Chaos Walking" trilogy by Patrick Ness, which begins with this book:

My friend Kate (who happened to write one of my favorite books of 2010) recently mentioned the final book of this series, Monsters of Men, as one of her favorite books of 2010 on her blog.  She mentioned it alongside Mockingjay, the final book of the Hunger Games trilogy, and advised that "anybody who liked The Hunger Games" should start reading Chaos Walking "immediately if not sooner." I had never heard of Chaos Walking, but Kate has never steered me wrong where books are concerned and I love The Hunger Games, so I obeyed Kate's instructions at once. I fired up my Kindle and learned that Ness actually wrote a short prequel to Chaos Walking, The New World, which is available exclusively on the Kindle for free. Smart marketing! I read the prequel in about 20 minutes, and afterward I immediately downloaded all three full-length books and cleared my schedule for several days.

I get a little obsessive about books that I love. Reading is probably my all-time favorite activity (sorry, counseling, running, and eating), and I've always been a fast reader. Thus, I tend to go through a book or two a week just by reading a bit during dinner and before bed. When I find a book I really love, I am totally consumed. I must inhale it as quickly as possible, and then I usually read it once or twice more just to catch anything I missed the first time. I read Kate's book, The Boneshaker, three times the week it came out. I read each of the three Hunger Games books in one feverish day, and I've re-read them several times since. When I discover books like these, I find it impossible not to stay up too late and ignore other people and responsibilties until I've finished reading. (One of my best romantic relationships almost ended prematurely when the final Harry Potter book happened to come out on our anniversary.) 

The Chaos Walking books are the kind of books that make me obsessive. Kate is exactly right that these books are similar to The Hunger Games- in themes, audience, creativity, and addictiveness. I don't want to say too much about them because they hinge on suspense and surprise; I'll just say that I think they are examples of the best kind of books for younger readers. They address big and important themes (war, terrorism, colonialism, the modern information overload) in ways that are relatable without being dumbed-down. Plus, the stories and characters are engaging enough to keep the books from veering into preachy/overly philosophical territory. If you are a Hunger Games fan, you should definitely try these- just be forewarned that Ness's books are much longer, more difficult, and a little darker (hardly seems possible, but its true).

(And, if you have no idea what I'm talking about because you've never read of heard of any of the books listed above, you should follow the links, make a few purchases, and clear your calendar for the next few weeks!)  

Ambition is your enemy: ADHD and Christmas



FYI- This photo is the first thing that comes up if you do a Google image search for "stressed out Santa."

 My friend Kate Milford, author of one of the best books of 2010 (are you listening, awards people?) also happens to write a very entertaining blog at her website, The Clockwork Foundry. Today, she posted about having trouble getting things done at Christmas and I read with many chuckles of recognition. Kate and I  recently reconnected via Facebook and learned that we both take medicine for ADHD. I've been on mine since 2003; Kate only started this year. Its been great talking to her about it because- while I'm sure we exist in large numbers- I've only met a few other smart, creative, accomplished women who also have this problem.

If you have ADHD, Christmas is a total minefield. Its the perfect meeting place for two of the hallmarks of ADHD: wild ambition and extremely poor follow-through. As the season approaches, all of the thoughts bouncing around in my head turn to cards I should send, cookies I should bake, elaborate gifts I should make by hand, parties I should host, etc.. My imagination and ambition go crazy. Then comes the poor follow-through: I don't even start these projects until December 15th, when there's no way I could possibly finish even one or two in time, then I get depressed about it and wind up just sitting around the house re-reading the entire Harry Potter series for the 23rd time. In the end, I buy half-assed gifts at the mall on Christmas Eve for immediate family only and feel bad about myself.

At least that's how is used to be. I'm happy to report that, 7 years into ADHD treatment, I have learned a few things which make Christmas (and life in general) more manageable. I can pretty much distill what I have learned into two main principles:

1. Ambition is your enemy. If you have ADHD, you must reserve your wild ambition for only the most vitally important areas of your life: vocation and relationships. Everywhere else, ambition must be managed. At all costs, you must not take on more than you can actually accomplish.

2. Work with your brain, not against it. The ADHD brain vacillates between two states of being: totally unfocused and all over the place, and hyper-focused on one thing to the exclusion of everything else. There is no changing this, but you can learn to use it to your advantage. During the unfocused times, you can multi-task. During the tunnel-vision times, you can bang out big projects.

Here's how this works for me in several areas of Christmas preparation:

Presents (general): I used to just buy presents hap-hazardly whenever I saw something that seemed to suit someone and then inventory them around December 23rd. This always ended the same way: I would realize that I had spent a ton of money on random gifts for fairly peripheral people in my life and that I had nothing at all for, say, my Mom. Commence crazy Christmas Eve shopping with the credit card. A couple years ago, I cut the list to just my parents, my siblings, my nieces and nephews, and my significant other (if applicable). So much more manageable! Then, I took the additional steps of making a list and buying as much as possible online. This year, I was done before Thanksgiving.

Presents (handmade): This is always an awful temptation for me. I like to make things, so I'll get it in my head that I'm going to handmake everyone's gift. When I have tried this, it has almost always resulted in the Christmas Eve mad shopping dash described above. So, I have learned to limit the number of handmade gifts (I did about 5 last year; I'm doing 2 this year). Also, I only make things that I have successfully made before. So, no attempts to jump from the beginner section of the sewing book to the advanced section on Dec. 20th.

Cards: I also limit quantity here and I don't even entertain the thought of making them. This year, I bought cards but never got around to writing or sending them, so I'm dropping the whole idea and moving on. This is tough to do, but totally necessary if I want to finish everything else. (That could be another principle: Only move forward. No going back!)

Baking: This is what I do for everyone who doesn't get a present. As with the handmade gifts, I keep it simple: a limited number of recipes I know really well. That way, I can come home from work and churn out a batch of cookies without even thinking about it. Sometimes, I wish that I made fancy assortments of cookies like some of my friends, but realistically, I would never get that done. If I tried to make 5 kinds of cookies, I would finish 0.

Decorating: This is a place where I take advantage of the tunnel-vision. I find a day where I can tell my brain wants to hyper-focus and do it all on that day. Once started, decorating must be completed on the same day. No exceptions, or I'll have boxes of ornaments sitting half-opened in the living room in January (it has happened).

Timing: Everything is started early (October or November) and I do my best to work with my brain. So, if I'm feeling unfocused, that's a good day to make cookies while writing cards and mailing packages. If I'm feeling super-focused, that's a day to make the handmade gifts. If I start soon enough, there will be enough of each kind of day to get everything done. 

So, that's my advice. I hope its helpful to those of you who also have ADHD, as well as you "normal" people. No matter what, you have to cut yourself some slack because its not always going to work. Case in point: Earlier today, I got a little overwheled by all of the things on my to-do list. The next thing I knew, I woke up on the couch after an unplanned 2-hour nap, staring down the remains of a lunch of Chinese food and champagne. Then, I turned on the computer, saw Kate's post, and knew I wasn't alone. Merry Christmas!