A Lenten sermon and lessons (already) learned.

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to serve as substitute preacher for my candidacy mentor at his church, Baldwin Memorial UMC. It was the first Sunday of Lent, so I didn't have to search too far to find a topic. My sermon is below.

Writing this sermon helped me reflect on my own Lenten resolutions (see previous post), and why they are challenges for me. If I think about why I struggle with consistent exercise and daily food tracking, I hit on a couple of underlying issues:

First, (as I've noted in this blog before) I get into trouble when my routine changes. Any life change, positive or negative, that disrupts part of my regular routine can throw off every other part of my routine. So, my work schedule changes and suddenly I can't find time to go to the gym or track my food. The problem is exacerbated because it tends to take me a long time to establish new routines.

Second, I am prone to all-or-nothing thinking. For example, "I didn't do the 2 hours at the gym I had planned for today, so I might as well do nothing." Or, "I didn't track anything this weekend, so why start now? This week is already a loss." Not true in either case!

So, if I think about it, my goals of exercising and tracking every day are really about being flexible and not so hard on myself. And, at less than a week in, I've already been tested on both of those fronts:

On Friday, I had a plan to go to the gym for a class. I missed it, so I made a plan B to go to a later class. Then, something came up and I missed the second class too (aka: the last class of the day). Undeterred, I pulled out a workout DVD I hadn't used in ages and got a (surprisingly challenging) workout at home. Score one for flexibility!

This morning, I woke up way too tired to go to my usual 6am class at the gym. I hit the snooze button, thinking I would go to the 8:30am class. Then, when I woke up at 7, I remembered that I had a doctor's appintment at 9 and needed to head to work right afterward. So, I'm not going to get a workout in today. In the past, I might have let this minor setback end my whole endeavor, but that would be all-or-nothing thinking and I'm not falling for that anymore!

So, that's two lessons learned in about 5 days. This could be next year's Lenten sermon!


Mark 1:9-15


9In those days Jesus came from Nazareth of Galilee and was baptized by John in the Jordan. 10And just as he was coming up out of the water, he saw the heavens torn apart and the Spirit descending like a dove on him. 11And a voice came from heaven, “You are my Son, the Beloved; with you I am well pleased.” 12And the Spirit immediately drove him out into the wilderness. 13He was in the wilderness forty days, tempted by Satan; and he was with the wild beasts; and the angels waited on him.

14Now after John was arrested, Jesus came to Galilee, proclaiming the good news of God, 15and saying, “The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God has come near; repent, and believe in the good news.”

It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better

A few months ago, I started a job as a family therapist. So far, I’ve only worked with a handful of families, but I already see some patterns. When I first meet with a family, I find one of two situations:

In some families, it takes awhile to get every family member to the table. For the first session or two, at least one crucial family member will be missing. The family members who do come blame most of the family’s problems on the missing person. They say that everything would be better if only that one person could change.

In other families, everyone comes together, but they avoid certain topics. In early sessions with these families, it seems like nothing is wrong. They assure me that they have some problems, but they are working on them, and things are getting better all the time. Anyone listening in might wonder why these families even need therapy.

With every family I see, my first job is to get everyone to the table and to get everything on the table. If family members are missing, I find ways to get them there. If I sense that topics are being avoided, I probe deeper. Once I succeed, things get interesting. Families start really working through their problems- often for the first time. Secrets are revealed. People who are usually quiet speak up. Conflicts emerge. Tears are shed and voices are raised.

This is when I get a phone call. It usually comes a few weeks into therapy, after a particularly difficult session. Someone from the family calls me and says “I don’t think this is working. Talking about our problems is making everyone upset. I think we all need individual therapy because talking as a family is too hard.” My response to this call is always the same. I tell the caller that solving family problems is hard work. I tell them that it takes a lot of courage to sit down as a family and face those problems. I remind them that their problems didn’t develop overnight and they won’t be solved overnight. And I tell them that a family problem is like a cold: it gets worse before it gets better.

Today’s Gospel lesson from Mark reminds me a lot of family therapy. At the beginning of the passage, Jesus is anointed for his ministry. He gets baptized by John the Baptist in the Jordan. During the baptism, the heavens open up, the Holy Spirit descends on Jesus like a dove, and the voice of God rings out: “You are my Son, the Beloved; with you I am well pleased.” At the end of the passage, Jesus sets out on his ministry. He goes into Galilee and starts proclaiming his message: “The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God has come near; repent, and believe in the good news.” It seems simple and straightforward: God blesses Jesus’ ministry and Jesus sets out to do that ministry. God says “I believe in you, Jesus” and Jesus goes off to do God’s will.

But, of course, it isn’t that simple. I’m leaving out the part in the middle. After Jesus’ baptism, the Holy Spirit drives him out into the desert to be tempted by Satan for 40 days. 40 days! To me, that seems like an awfully long time. If God already believes in Jesus, why does Jesus have to spend more than a month proving himself? If Jesus’ message is so important, why not send him out right away? Why take more than a month out of a ministry that’s only going to last 3 years? Why does Jesus have to travel through the desert before he can start his ministry?

Thinking about these questions makes me think about my work as a therapist. The families who come to me for help often feel like they’re wandering in a desert. Their lives feel harsh and barren and they can’t find a way out of their problems. When someone calls me for the first time and asks me to help their family, it’s a big moment. It takes wisdom to know when we’re lost, and it takes courage to ask for help. Beginning therapy with a family is like anointing them for a mission. They have decided to fix what’s broken in their relationships and I’m there to tell them “You can do this- I believe in you.”

When they get started in therapy, many families feel excited, hopeful, and ready to change. They’ve been wandering in their deserts for a long time, and now they’ve finally called in a guide to help them out. They consider me an expert on deserts: someone who knows the terrain and can show them the shortcuts. They hope I’ll give them a map and a couple of camels and they’ll be out of the desert in no time.

The truth is more complicated. Yes, I am a bit of an expert on deserts. I’m enough of an expert to realize that there are no shortcuts. The only way out of the desert is through. I know that crossing a desert takes time and that you’re going to face heat, wind, and thirst. My clients want me to lead them out of the desert, but I know that I need to lead them through. And if I’m going to do that, I need to give them a good reason. If they are going to face all of the perils of that journey, they need to know why.

For Jesus, the time he spends in the desert is a test. Mark doesn’t give us many details of what happens there, but Matthew and Luke tell us more about the temptations Jesus faces:

When Jesus is hungry from fasting, Satan tempts him to turn stones into bread. By this point, Jesus has been living in the desert heat for days- possibly weeks- without any food at all. Just hearing the word “bread” probably sets his heart racing and his mouth watering. But Jesus resists. He decides that the purpose of his fast is worth the agony. With this temptation, Jesus learns that he can endure pain and suffering in order to serve a higher purpose.

Later, Satan takes Jesus to the top of a high temple. Satan tells Jesus to prove that he’s the son of God by throwing himself off the temple and relying on angels to save him. Jesus faces this temptation just a short time after his baptism. Jesus went into the Jordan as a carpenter, and now he’s been claimed as God’s son. I can only imagine that he has some doubts. Part of him must be wondering if God will really look out for him. To have proof- for himself and the rest of the world- must be a wonderful idea. Yet, Jesus resists. With this temptation, Jesus learns he can be obedient to God, even when God feels distant and mysterious.

Finally, Satan tempts Jesus with power. He takes Jesus to the top of a high mountain and shows him vast lands and kingdoms. Satan promises Jesus that he can rule over everything he sees, if only he will forsake God and worship Satan. God is asking Jesus to be a servant: a loyal son who will humbly do God’s will. Satan offers the exact opposite: power, wealth, luxury, and the chance to be a ruler rather than a servant. Yet, Jesus resists again. With this temptation, he learns that he will not forsake his mission for power and wealth.

By the time Jesus emerges from the desert, he has faced all the temptations he will face in his ministry. He has faced his fears about the work ahead, and he knows he’s up to the job. He is ready for his mission in a way he never could have been without his time in the desert.

We often think of a mission as an individual thing, but families have missions too. There are some missions almost all families have in common: loving and supporting one another, having fun together, raising happy and healthy kids. Other missions are unique to individual families. Some families want to travel the world together, or learn new things, or serve the needy. And, just like individuals, families face temptations and challenges as they work toward their missions:

I see families so afraid of conflict they barely talk to each other. They let hurt and anger fester and poison their relationships. They have a problem with one person in the family and talk to everyone except that person.

I see families ripped apart by a secret or event from the past. A couple goes through a messy divorce and pushes their children to take sides. The children take up the conflict and wind up passing it on to their own children. I’ve seen families who can’t get along today because of what happened between Grandma and Grandpa 50 years ago.

I see families where parents give their children anything and everything they want. They only want to make their children happy, but they wind up making them spoiled and unable to accept limits.

Much of what I do as a family therapist is helping families face and overcome their temptations. If a family is tempted to silence disagreements, I help them to face their conflicts and work them out. If a family is holding on to a grudge from the past, I help them let it go. If parents are tempted to give in to their children, I help them learn to be strong.

None of this is easy. Its not easy for a mother to stand her ground while her child throws a tantrum. Its not easy for a father to hear how his divorce hurt his children. Its not easy for estranged family members to get together and talk. In fact, I think the biggest temptation most families face is the temptation to stay the same. Crossing the desert often feels too hard, even if something wonderful might be waiting on the other side.

Fortunately, we have today’s Gospel text to inspire and encourage us. We know that Jesus did the long, hard work of facing his temptations. We know that his time in the desert gave him what he needed to begin his mission- a mission that changed the world forever. And, to remember that time in the desert, we have the season of Lent.

During Lent, we are called to embark on a 40-day journey just like Jesus. As we prepare for Easter, God calls us to think about our own temptations. Lent is a time when each and every one of should ask: “What’s in my desert? What mission is God calling me to, and what do I have to overcome before I can start that mission?” We can ask this as individuals, or as families, or as churches.

Lent also calls us to face those temptations: to spend 40 days wrestling with our own personal demons. During Lent, many people choose to give up a bad habit or take up a good one. Unfortunately, many Lenten resolutions are a lot like New Year’s resolutions. We pick them without much thought and begin them expecting to fail. But, if we choose our resolutions carefully, Lent can be a powerful time of spiritual growth. On Ash Wednesday, I saw an article online suggesting some unconventional Lenten resolutions. Here are a few examples:

-Get to know your neighbors.

-Everywhere you go, leave a post-it with a positive message.

-Wear the same 4 outfits for all of Lent.

-Stop using your phone, computer, and TV after dinner.

What I like about these resolutions is that they target specific temptations. If your temptation is vanity, wearing the same 4 outfits for 40 days will be humbling. If you tend to be shy, knocking on your neighbors’ doors will be scary. If you spend all day attached to your devices, spending 40 evenings in quiet will be hard. These resolutions are challenging, but they have the potential to change someone forever.

We’re already a few days into Lent, but we still have over a month to go. That’s more than enough time for each of us to make at least one meaningful change. So, take some time and think about it: What is in your desert? Your family’s desert? Your church’s desert? And what could you find if you traveled through that desert? It won’t be an easy journey, but we know that we won’t make it alone. Amen.

No sleep 'til Easter.

Greetings readers, and welcome to Lent! This is a season in the Christian year that lasts 40 days from Ash Wednesday (yesterday) until Easter (April 8th). Lent is about many things, including contemplation and spiritual renewal. During Lent, many Christians choose to give something up (or take something on) as a spiritual discipline and an act of self-improvement. Its a popular time to try to break a bad habit (smoking, procrastinating, complaining, etc.) or start a good habit (exercising, prayer, eating healthy, etc.).

For the past two years, I've written for a Lenten devotional produced by the Young Adult Council of the United Methodist Church in Baltimore/Washington. This year, the theme of the devotional is Back to Basics. Its about getting back to the basics of the spiritual life: prayer, fasting, scripture, service, sacrament and community. I've been inspired by this theme to get back to some basics in my life: exercise and tracking.

As I've shared on this blog before, I lost 45 pounds in 2003 following the Weight Watchers program. (Click on the Weight Watchers tab at the bottom of my home page to read more.) Since then, I've been maintaining that loss with varying degrees of success. I've never returned to my pre-WW weight, but I have gone up and down several times during the years. Lately, the trend has been up.

When you hit a plateau or start to gain in WW, the leaders often advise you to go back to basics. They encourage you to figure out what actions helped you in the first place and focus on doing those things. For me, the most important "basics" are exercise and tracking. I do well when I exericise regularly and when I write down what I eat. I've been struggling with both those things since starting my new job, and (surprise, surprise) I can see the results on the scale. More importantly, I can feel the results. I have less energy and the physical activities I enjoy (like running) are harder than they were this time last year.

So, this Lent, its back to exercise and tracking. In fact, I am resolving to do both of those things every day for the next 40 days. I have assembled a variety of tools to make things easier (mobile WW apps, gym class schedules, DVDs, and a boyfriend who also wants to exercise more) and I feel ready to go. In fact, I started the exercise resolution a few days early and I already feel better!

39 days to go!

Returning the favor.

Survivors of a cold, wet 5K. 

Happy Valentine's Day!

Way back when I started this blog, one of my first posts was about how an ex-boyfriend pushed me to sign up for my very first race: a 2007 Valentine's Day 5K. This past Saturday, I finally returned the favor.  My lovely boyfriend Andrew joined me for the first leg of the 2012 Annapolis Striders' Champ Series and his first race ever. Fittingly, it was a Valentine's Day 5K.

I wish I could say we both ran amazing races and finished feeling like rock stars. In reality, we both struggled. For me, the struggle was accepting where I am vs. where I used to be. Last year, I started the Champ Series on a real upswing. I was in great shape and steadily getting better. That day, I hoped to finally finish a 5K in under 30 minutes. I didn't quite make it- my final time was 30:16- but it was still the start of an amazing racing season. A little over a month later, I ran a 5K PR of 27:19 and I did two other 2011 5Ks in 27:28 and 27:30. In fact, I ran PRs in every distance in 2011. It was such a good year that I started expecting to PR in every race, and I was rarely disappointed.

As I've mentioned in my last few posts, this year is different. Some big (and terrific) life changes had the unintended side effect of throwing me way off my diet and fitness games. I know I'm heavier and slower than I was last year, and getting my usual training in has been a real struggle. I approached this race hoping that I could at least beat last year's time, but fearful that my decline would be even worse than I realized.

I was determined to run the best race I could manage. Andrew, being a wonderfully supportive and understanding person, got that. We talked before the race about how we wouldn't be running together and he wasn't upset when I zoomed away from him at the start, looking for a faster group to set my pace. In the beginning, I ran a pace of about 9:15/mile. Pretty soon, I realized that I could not maintain that pace for the whole race and started mentally berating myself: "What's wrong with you? This was an easy pace last year!" I slowed down and started focusing all my energy on pushing those negative thoughts away. Eventually, I settled into a pace of 9:30-9:45/mile and began a steady internal monologue of "Just stay here and you'll finish under 30 minutes. Just try to finish under 30 minutes."

After I turned around at the halfway mark, I started passing friends who were a bit behind me. They all updated me on Andrew's progress: "I just saw him and he looks good!" Finally, I spotted him myself. He didn't look like he was having fun, but he was able to grunt at me as he passed. That gave me a little boost going into the end of the race... and I needed it. Two miles of heavy breathing left me pretty nauseous going into the final mile. Just as I started to see the finish line, I became convinced that I was actually going to puke in a race for the first time. In fact, as I rounded the last corner, I weaved over to the side and dry-heaved. Fortunately, nothing came up and I dashed for the finish line to end it.

As soon as I turned in my chip, I found a group of Striders buddies and we all started saying the same thing: "Well, that SUCKED." It seemed that everyone was in agreement: we spent the winter running long and slow and we had forgotten how to run short and fast. Realizing that my friends had struggled too made me feel a lot better about my race. After a few minutes, Andrew crossed the finish and joined our group of whiners. He got there just in time to hear my story about dry-heaving, at which point he commented "You are really selling me on this running thing."

Tired, but still triumphant, we hobbled back to my car. I had Andrew pose for a post-race picture with his Valentine's Day present: a new Garmin!

What a handsome 5-K finisher! 

I gave Andrew the Garmin to say "This is your first race, and I hope its not the last." Later that day, he gave me an even better present along the same lines. He signed a lease on an apartment in my neighborhood and he joined my gym! So, we will no longer be the long-distance couple who use each other's visits as an excuse not to exercise. Now, we will be the couple who meet at the gym (almost) every morning! In fact, we started our day there on Monday.

And, while I'm sharing good news, I'll share this too- my official finish time was 29:41 and Andrew achieved his goals of running the whole race and not being last in his age group. Hooray for us!